I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
