Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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