Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
