How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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