I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
