Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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