In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Randomize
