I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
