Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
