I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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