a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
