I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
