why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
