It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
