Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
