I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
