i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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