my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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