Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
