its not stalking. its research.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Your cock deserves a montage
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
