just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Semen is not good for contacts.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
