Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
