hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
