What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
