a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My vagina just recognized that song.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
