I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
In America we eat man semen.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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