can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
