If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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