hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
