Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
