then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
