Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Enjoy the penises
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
