I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
