and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
