I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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