yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
