dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
