We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
