why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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