I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
