i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
