Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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