I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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