420 ftw
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
