it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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