How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
