Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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