I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
