I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
