It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
