as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
