Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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