you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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