now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
