I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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