At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
