Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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