Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
